What do you say to the young man who thinks he’s 2 years behind his age?
Then what do you say when he tells you he hasn’t been eating properly and been rationing for days?
And he believes minimum wage equals maximum rage.
Whilst talking his eyes are watering like he’s peeling what goes into stuffing and compliments sage.
That’s an onion my young gun.
He’s reminiscing of the times him and his boys were out screaming “I’m on one”.
And if squares were numbered he’d look at you and say “I’m on one”
Serious times now, where’s all the fun gone?
He just wants you to understand his stance.
That he’s taken a chance.
With the devil to dance.
Now he’s two stepping without a weapon.
The heat is on and it’s got him sweating.
Future falling before his eye and it’s got him fretting.
Got him betting that he followed a misdirection.
But billboards remind him that when you started from the bottom there’s only one direction.
Empty pockets for the summers.
You can hear his heart beat louder than drummers.
Might need a discovery like Christopher Columbus because he’s in a city full of ranges and hummers.
But is that even motivation?
Guys balling out in G55s with private registrations?
Nope, that’s humiliation.
He goes home to listen to Wretch, you know punctuation, followed by some honest underdog Wale tracks on rotation.
He goes for walks to keep his mind in the clouds.
Spoken word? How absurd, he wants to perform to the crowds.
So he’s working with theses verbs and these nouns knowing damn well they don’t care, they just want the clowns.
He was zoned out so he bumped into some guy then noticed another was staring at him on the sly looking mean.
Can’t lie he had a nice suit and his trim was looking clean but it didn’t change the fact the guy was on the verge going green.
He rushed over like “that guy is homeless, he’s a fiend. This is his only income, why didn’t you take the magazine?”
I told him I’ve got bigger issues than a big issue.
Walk my footprints, what size are you?
I’m 10 and a half, that’s a biggish shoe.
But it’s ok for you.
Versace loafers looking like Biggie’s shoe.
The man soon realised there’s deeper things in his life from just one look in his eyes he sees love, hate and despise.
I still see the ghost and hear voice of my dead cousin Royce.
If you want to go further, then ay that’s your choice.
I remember those moments.
Wish I could go back and reload it, set a camera for focus, take a picture and fold it.
Hold it. Forever, however, whatever I choose to endeavour will be different from him but I won’t forget you see I’ll always remember.
When you had a white gold chain and a Lexus, you were only eighteen.
And told me you’ll buy me a flying car when I’m fourteen.
Told me about girls and introduced me to Malice and Pusha T.
When’s the last time you heard you like this?
Watching Freddy Got Fingered, I miss those times.
They were just bliss.
It’s weird how things never stay the same.
Players change, different rules but still the same game.
No segregation, new slaves still wear the same chains.
Road to riches, good or bad we use the same lane.
They made sure I stayed good, I guess they seen I was intelligent.
It’s evil out here so to they look at me like I’m heaven sent but I’m hell bent.
On providing a place my mother can reside in.
So never mind him.
If he seems ignorant he’s just trying, he’s just trying, he’s just trying.
And I’d be lying if I said the pressure doesn’t get to me sometimes.
And I’d be lying if I said this empty bank account doesn’t make me consider some crimes.
Maybe I should follow the footsteps and the drawn lines of the one I always wanted to be.
Prison was a factor I didn’t see but freedom or incarceration didn’t even bother me.
I’d happily accept his respect, that would calm my sanity.
And it’s a struggle with my girl because I’d give her the world but if my mind takes me again I’d probably ruin her world.
It’s nasty how I’ve got these trust issues but she gave me her trust that I chose to misuse.
I refuse to lose and let some next dude step in my shoes.
So I do my best, I don’t want no more relationship blues.
My cousin asked me if I’m faithful.
I was like, I’ll practice monogamy as long as I’m able.
He said “you can’t, once a R******d always a R******d.”
And that’s so painful, it’s shameful.
What example are we setting for the young except the common black label?
And they tell me foster kids never get this far, and wonder how I even bear these scars.
In the light that’s shines brighter than all these stars.
I swear put this message above any lifestyle of jewels and foreign cars, smoking Cuban cigars and a weekly four girl ménage.
And I know bigger men have died from the things that I’ve survived.
Only twenty but I’ve lived about nineteen lives.
I’m quiet about it so this revolution will not be televised.
So look into the eyes of the young and stigmatised and tell them about hell because they’ve already found their paradise.
And I’m plotting dots on the board with my own pair of dice.
They’re like, she done that to you, how could you then save her life?
Boy if that was me, I’d watch her as she helplessly dies.
But I done it for a purpose that you’ll soon realise.
I’m desensitised by things laid before me.
So if you listen to my story it might get a little gory.
My childhood consisted of no toys but I’ve still got a story.
Have you ever had to stand naked in the cold at five years old until you finish every bit of food in the bowl?
Well this is some shit you’ll never know.
They suggested counselling but I made the counsellor cry.
They kept telling me that I’d really need help one day and I was like “why?”
For some stranger to tell me about myself and evaluate my mental health?
And to come across like they care but that’s how they gain they’re wealth.
That’s how they brain wash youth by telling them a new truth.
Because they know everyone believe in qualifications and a fitted suit.
That’s why I don’t care about who you are or whatever.
I treat barristers the same way I treat the beggar.
Because a three piece doesn’t mean that you’re clever and a degree really doesn’t mean that you’re better.
So you’ll see two mermaids riding one unicorn before you see me fail or bow to a man in uniform.
True to form they think their power is above the norm when the fluorescent jacket is on, the one that’s greener than the lawn.
So when they haven’t got their baton, cuffs or vest.
I wonder how many officers make citizens arrests.
A lot of truth is hidden in humour so I suggest you digest whatever I say in jest.
This is so honest it’s hurting.
The more you read, the more you learn and writing this I am learning.
That the only thing in life that is certain is that things are uncertain.
Now you can see the diversity of the black boy at university.
Go from love letters to this?
I promise there’s more to me.
Life is just a violent mystery, we only learn from things written in history.
Take a seat and welcome to the meet and greet.
A chance to see my inner demons.
Nightmares of a runaway slave can’t stop me dreaming.
I’m unchained now like Django Freeman.
Look at daddy’s seaman.